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Not Much A Poet But A Criminal

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(3 Love Notes | Tell Me You Love Me)

Butterfly In the Sky, I can Fly Twice as High [21 Mar 2008|01:12am]
I wann be free like a butterfly -- I wanna do whatever I wanna do. And lately I've been feeling like I'm on a leash. And I feel like I wanna break free and just break every single rule that has been placed upon me. I'm a free person dammit and if I wanna make bad decisions then I should be able to make them.

On another note -- I got really pissed off at work today. I had shit planned-- I was gonna keep working on my bedding set and then Anne Marie wanted me to do something in towels which was cool - whatever...so I did it and just as I was finishing Dave came up and said "There are some items that need displays in small electrics." and he wanted me to do them...I didn't want to do them -- I wanted to do my damn bedding set but whatever. So I thought he meant the displays for some of the blenders and new summer treat makers...so that's what I did along with a few other things I knew needed displays. THE OPERATIVE WORD IS "DISPLAYS"... Then I told Jason I'd help him with some stuff for tomorrow.

So I did the displays and helped Jason and I'm walking out the door when Amanda goes "they're asking about you...they want you in irons." And I was like "tell 'them' I'm punched out" and she was like "Well on your way out the door, could you stop by irons" I'M AT THE FUCKING DOOR -- Irons is in the back of the store -- WHAT THE HELL!!! So I'm sweating balls cuz I'm in a hoodie and my coat and I go back to irons and Dave is asking me "do we have any more of these wafflers in stock" I was like I don't think so but I don't know...and he looked at me like I'm supposed to memorize exactly how much of every fucking item I have in the back. Then he shows me some crock pots that have displays but no signs -- he said things didn't have displays not that the displays didn't have signs -- THERE IS A DIFFERENCE! FINALLY he walks me over to irons and asks me if it's set to directive correctly -- which it was until he started moving shit...and then he points out displays that don't have SIGNS...and like 2 irons that don't have displays...and says "If we don't have the displays, how can we sell them" and I was like "oh believe me, they sell just fine." And then he goes "Are you in tomorrow...then can you work on these for me tomorrow?" all snide and condescending and I just wanted to punch him. And then he tells me to have a good night -- you just pissed me off, if you woulda left me alone to walk out the door into the sunshine, it woulda been a wonderful night, but NOOO...you couldn't just leave me a note, you had to be a dick.

If he wanted displays made in irons, why wouldn't he just say from the start "I noticed that some of the irons don't have displays and that some are missing signs." That would have been a much better indicator of what he wanted done. And the thing is that domestics never gets the attention that it needs, so when I'm trying to make bedding look good for once, he, of course, wants me to work on small electrics...FUCKING PICK -- I'm sick of this shit and I'm just gonna do whatever I want from now on cuz it's bullshit. You can't make everyone happy and I guess Anne Marie actually likes me right now...and women are catty where as Dave is just blunt so I'd rather please the catty ones than the males.

Now I'm done venting.


(2 Love Notes | Tell Me You Love Me)

What did I do [20 Mar 2008|12:49am]
"Alley is not allowed to be alone with Andrew, she is not allowed to drive down to ferndale to meet him nor is Andrew allowed to drive up to Rochester Hills to meet her -- nor are they allowed to meet anywhere in the middle. Alley is allowed to be alone in a room with Dan Hill and Clive Owen (so long as she remains in contact with Kevin through telephone at regular intervals). SO IT IS WRITTEN - SO IT SHALL BE"

So Andrew is pissed at me and Dan and we don't know why but Andrew will still talk to me via text message so we think he's more pissed at Dan than me -- or he just likes me better because he wants to have sex with me...either way -- I'm gonna find out within the next hour. Dan and I have our theories -- all of which, I'm sure, are false, but it's still fun the try and solve the mystery.

Oh well, I'm thinking about making my journal friends only again...dunno.

(Tell Me You Love Me)

New fun things to say [17 Mar 2008|05:42pm]
"I go through vibrators like an emo kid goes through razors."

"Alley wouldn't sleep with you if she got the Bubonic Plague after getting AIDS"
"And if she did it would only be to give you the AIDS."

(Tell Me You Love Me)

Things I should never say to anyone even though I think them: [17 Mar 2008|12:17am]
"you make me smile when I think about you...well, you and The Office"

"I like sex doggie style -- that way my hair doesn't get messed up"

maybe I'll think of more later, but those are the two that make me smile today.

(Tell Me You Love Me)

[16 Mar 2008|04:48pm]
"You represent and actively encourage all of my worst habits
They all are
Proof that we're both capable of the most terrible things
Don't test me."
~Taking Back Sunday

(4 Love Notes | Tell Me You Love Me)

awww [13 Mar 2008|02:08pm]
[ mood | vague ]

Have you ever had something that makes you feel so warm and fuzzy inside that you just can't stop thinking about it, and every time you do, you just melt? Lately, it's like everything gives me that feeling -- and I'm just happy -- even at work I was tired as hell, but I was singing "Pens and staplers, pens and staplers, pens and staplers, pencils" and laughing my ass off.

Then I start to think -- what if what caused this warm and fuzzy feeling is just a cheap ploy and I'm being played and that makes me sad.

Anyway vagueness makes me warm and fuzzy.


(Tell Me You Love Me)

Don't know why I'm writing this [12 Mar 2008|11:57pm]
[ mood | restless ]


"Secrets Secrets
Are no fun
Secrets Secrets
Hurt Someone"
~Stripper from the office

Yeah -- can't sleep just chatting online with a couple of people. This entry is completely pointless, but anyway.

"Night brings bad dreams, bad dreams and guillotines"

last night (aka this morning) I went to bed at 4am -- tomorrow I have to wake up at 4am...I'm screwed

(Tell Me You Love Me)

FUCK THIS GAME [05 Feb 2007|10:03am]
If all of the high schools get the day off -- I'm taking it too, except of course for my Rock History class cuz it only meets once a week.

(Tell Me You Love Me)

[24 Jan 2007|03:28pm]
I'm dying my hair right now and I have this fear that it'll be horrible cuz I did streaks and I did them alone...so we'll see. I'm so fucking tired!

I skipped accounting today (DON'T TELL KEVIN) - when the alarm went off, I thought about if anything was due and if we'd be doing anything in class and said fuck it -- I'll go friday.

I'm so fucking tired and I slept til almost 2 when kevin called me and I acted like I'd just gotten out of class 20 minutes before.

I got my BIG GIRL license today!!! It's supposed to be sent out on your birthday, but mine arrived a day before. Only 8.5 more hours and I'll be 21. I have to go find a tiara!!!

(Tell Me You Love Me)

[22 Jan 2007|04:00pm]

(2 Love Notes | Tell Me You Love Me)

KEVIN GOT A NEW JOB!!! [15 Jan 2007|08:57pm]
[ mood | excited ]

40 hours a week -- 8 dollars and hour! That's much better than what he's got right now AND it's days which is even better.

And I discovered some little secrets about Kevin like he's a dirty little mistress who liked to make out with girls with boyfriends and husbands!!! Yeah, I don't feel nearly as bad about anything I've done now -- which is JAWSOME!!!

10 DAYS!!!
OW OW!!!

We're thinking bowling...and then WHO THE FUCK KNOWS WHAT ELSE!?!


(Tell Me You Love Me)

[15 Jan 2007|04:21pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

WOO HOO -- kevin's in a job interview right now -- I hope he gets it cuz then he'd be back to days and he'd be making more money!!! Keep your fingers crossed!

(3 Love Notes | Tell Me You Love Me)

Good Times Good Times [14 Jan 2007|09:07pm]
[ mood | POOP ]

I'm safe here...

So my loan was approved so it looks like I'll be going to school for another year.

ALSO we got this new huge ass TV and while moving it they found my Happy Bunny wrist-band that says "School Eats It" which I lost like a year ago.

Kevin and I had an awkward conversation about how generally girls who say that they just wanna be one of the guys actually want all of the attention of a bunch of dude trying to fuck them and they are more likely to cheat on you. I just said that I like being just one of the guys cuz then you don't have to deal with girl drama...also -- the attention is nice. Then he just looked at me like "Oh God, I'm screwed."

We also had one of those conversations about if you have unprotected sex with a person, you're having sex with everyone they've had unprotected sex with. And he said that condoms were just a technicality, so I started listing the people I could have "Had Sex" with and he was disturbed.



(Tell Me You Love Me)

With Every Breath I Wish Your Body Would Be Broken Again [14 Jan 2007|12:30am]
[ mood | kitty kitty ]

I'm tired...

Uh yeah -- I can't wait for my birthday -- 11 days!!!


Everyone should come down and over and up...East of East. And we should PARTY. I'm seriously fucking calling everyone. I don't care. It will be chaos -- I love chaos. When you have no idea what's going on other than exactly what you're doing and who you're doing it with. IT's my fucking birthday!!!

I don't know -- I love everyone -- almost, there are still a few people I hate, but I love people I wasn't too fond of before -- even though I haven't talked to them since they were fucking bitches to me -- ANYWAY!

I miss my friends...

Greg Geraldo on Thursday!!! I don't know who the fourth person is but it's fucking DRAMA!


(2 Love Notes | Tell Me You Love Me)

Fun Fun Fun [12 Jan 2007|02:39pm]
[ mood | Coasters... ]

Can I just say that Tuesday and Wednesday nights were the most fun I've had in a LONG time. I love being around lots of people...so everyone should come home more often!!! I know Jennifer said she was gonna, but everyone else should just move closer to home cuz I miss my friends.

Awesome nights though -- I am definately naming my first son Logan so Jennifer will have to name her's Storm...and then our second sons will both be named Gavin and it will be chaos. But I was thinking about having the middle name of one of my sons be Duffy so we would call him Duff -- therefore if they were both named Gavin, we could call my Gavin "Duff." I don't think Duffy is a good first name -- it's a good last name, but that's not gonna happen so a middle name will have to do.

I look forward to many pantless nights ahead -- cuz we know how much Dan loves pantsless nights in his room...He's the party man with his cousin in Wamboosa...lol!!!

♥ Alley

(Tell Me You Love Me)

My Christmas Play List [13 Dec 2006|12:49am]
1. Bing Crosby "The Christmas Song"
2. Relient K "Santa Claus is Thumbing to Town"
3. mc chris "evergreens"
4. Bing Crosby "I'll Be Home for Christmas"
5. Adam Sandler's Christmas song from SNL
6. Blink 182 "Happy Holidays, You Bastard"
7. Madonna "Santa Baby"
8. Relient K "Angels We Have Heard on High"
9. Eurythmics "Winter Wonderland"
10. Bing Crosby "Good King Wenceslas"
11. Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band "Merry Christmas, Baby"
12. RUN DMC "Christmas in Hollis"
13. Relient K "12 Days of Christmas"
14. U2 "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)"
15. Relient K "Deck the Halls"
16. Bing Crosby "White Christmas"

(Tell Me You Love Me)

And another thing... [10 Dec 2006|10:37pm]
These chick flicks, these fucking romantic comedies suck ass!

I love them, don't get me wrong -- I fucking enjoy the shit out of them. That movie Prime -- fucking awesome movie, but when you're watching it at four in the morning -- you realize something as you're trying to keep your eyes open -- IT WOULD NEVER BE LIKE THAT -- EVER. He'd never say those things and he'd never do those things -- well, at least not the romantic ones, I mean, the stupid things like cheating and lying -- he'd do those no doubt.

The point is that a guy would never kiss you like that -- he wouldn't sit across from you at a table and put his foot right next to yours just to be close to you. He wouldn't set up a romantic dinner for you at his job so you could sit and look at your favorite painting while you ate. These things just wouldn't happen.

But the movie is so good and the guy is cute -- cute in the way that he's not Eric Dane fucking McSteamy and he's not fugly, he's just good looking. And there are things in there that make the movie so true like when she takes his shirt to keep with her because it smells like him or when he tells her that he's trying.

BUT it just doesn't happen like that in real life -- he wouldn't lay there and offer to make a baby with her because it's what she wants -- no matter what he'd be petrified of it.

AND WHAT THE FUCK is up with these movies with the sad endings? They're all funny and romantic and then they don't get back together in the end -- they loved eachother so much but they wanted different things -- BULLSHIT. She would have been better off staying with him and investing a little more time because without him, where is she? She's back on the drawing board looking for a new relationship to develop so she can drop hints about having children.

And when they cut to a year later, she's not pregnant, she's not with some other guy, she's with friends. And if this movie is so FUCKING romantic, why didn't he run back into the restaurant, pick her up, spin her around and kiss her -- NOW THAT'S FUCKING ROMANTIC.

Why is it that I love movies that I don't understand and basically don't like half the concepts in them?

Sid and Nancy is a load of bullshit, I can pick that movie apart, but I love it. Gary Oldman does a staggering job at being Sid -- he's fucking amazing.

I dunno.

(1 Love Note | Tell Me You Love Me)

I guess I'm better now [10 Dec 2006|10:20pm]
Yeah so seeing Josh a couple weeks ago weirded me the fuck out. Cuz when you realize that you haven't seen eachother in over a year and that, despite the fact that you didn't really know eachother well, some shit happened between the two of you -- it's kinda fucked up. So that was an awkward night.

Then last night upon being in the black hole of the kids department folding clothes alone, it occurred to me that I never really told Kevin the whole story about what happened that night on Dan's bed...and that maybe I should do that because some people think that with-holding the truth is a lie. I had given him the jist of the story, but nothing more.

So tonight upon leaving Meijer's after picking up some condoms and pencils (HEY! finals are tomorrow -- I needed pencils), I came out with the entire story...from Josh and I being the only ones in the car on the way to the carnival to dropping Tina and Jennifer off at J-me's that night. Although I'm not quite sure who knows the whole story besides Josh, Kevin and me...I'm not gonna elaborate here.

I expected Kevin to be upset or angry in some way but he wasn't. He was glad it was me who told him and that nothing really happened especially after Kevin and I were together.

It made me feel better to get it all out. Now I guess I'm free...although now Colleen and Rachel still think I'm a slut. But two of Rachel's married/engaged friends have left their men to go see other men this past week so she basically told me that I'd have to sell myself on the black market to be considered fucked up in comparison.

Well I have three finals tomorrow and I'm not prepared for any of them. Wish me luck!


(Tell Me You Love Me)

[10 Dec 2006|03:22am]
I get furious -- I'm not gonna get into it but does no one remember that I exist -- does no one say "Oh she wasn't there-- she should have been but she wasn't." Nope -- they don't care -- they don't realize. What the fuck!?!

(1 Love Note | Tell Me You Love Me)

All though it's all my fault, the blaming myself had to come to an end [10 Dec 2006|03:11am]
[ mood | fucking life ]


I don't know what to say. I want to say SOMETHING and yet nothing.

I have these questions running though my head of things that I've done. I don't know what I'm saying -- have I ever. Maybe poetry is the answer just throw it all out there and see what happens -- and here comes that song -- that song Jaws Theme Swimming "Some rules were made with all intentions to break and she defends them with a warped rationale." Yes I did and I do...and I don't know.

At work I said that all the time alone folding gave me time to think about what a slut I used to be -- and I didn't mean slut like EASY FUCKING WHORE -- I just meant that there were boys -- and then I said "Well, not like a real slut but the boys just came at me like three at a time." Which was true -- It was feast or famine -- well, for a while there it was feast after feast...but -- I still don't know.

It's not like I fucked every guy that's ever liked me. It was like one out of three 33% -- ya know. Okay and I'm still with the last one. DUDE. And I've only had sex with two guys. Why do I feel the need to explain myself -- I've done nothing wrong.

But I think about things...you know things -- why I did them -- what could have happened. Where I'd be. Every song brings back an old memory "If it makes you less sad, I would die by your hand/ hope you find out what you want -- already know what I am." I don't know what all this self doubt is about. I don't know. I'm being completely vague and eratic and this post probably makes sense to no-one.

The diary of a mad man -- I am the new leader of Spain.

Who knows what I'm saying -- I could write a book of all the thoughts -- maybe I should -- maybe that would solve things. It would start with the beer being intimidated and end with the movie Prime and the best sex of my life.

***By the way, the movie Prime with Uma Thurman and Maryl Steep is and excellent movie -- watch it -- unless you don't like chick flicks

"And I'm not sorry."

I wish I could be like Cameron Crowe and write amazing movies with amazing soundtracks. My life has this soundtrack that goes on and on. "Slow down boy, I'm not easy -- don't wanna be a sleezy whore." (Christina don't laugh cuz I know you do.)

I am not sorry -- I think I need to write -- I think writing may solve it.


CRACK HEAD FUCKING THING. (ignore that -- I mean obviously not really because if I wanted you to ignore it, I would have deleted it.)

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